Pazit Noyberger and Radwan Abu Arara

Pazit Noyberger: I remember the cleaning lady, A’eeda, from my work, that heard about the donation, and she went into my office, crying, and she said, “you’ve got a heart. I’ve got a heart. So why we all like this?” And she was crying, crying, crying and all I have to do is just hug her and be quiet, because I have no good answer.

Mishy Harman (narration): Hey listeners, I’m Mishy Harman and this is Israel Story. It’s inconceivable – on so many different levels – that nearly 700 days, (700 days!) after October 7th, we’re still living a reality of war. That new pages are added, on a daily basis, to this heartbreaking tale of pain and loss that’s become the story of our times. It’s a story that’s changed and evolved: From one of shock and confusion, to one of anger and action, to one of condemnation and desperation. But throughout, one thing hasn’t changed – it’s a story of death and death and more death. A story that will no doubt shape the rest of our lives and those of our children and grandchildren, long after – god willing – the hostages will return home and the carnage and devastation in Gaza will cease. But amid all this darkness, amid all the grief, crushed hopes and impossible moral questions there are, also, islands of hope. And as an optimist, I think there’s value, real value, in reminding ourselves of those islands. Which is why we bring you this “Wartime Diary,” about the unlikely bond between Pazit Noyberger and Radwan Abu Arara. Pazit and Radwan met through work – he was on the board of the Lod water company where she worked – and they both sat down with our producers Adina Karpuj and Mitch Ginsburg to share their tale. Adina then edited and produced the episode. Here we go.

Adina Karpuj: OK. We’re recording. Can you start by introducing yourself?

Pazit Noyberger: Yes, I am Pazit.

Radwan Abu Arara: My name is Radwan.

Pazit Noyberger: Married to Hagai.

Radwan Abu Arara: I am married to Insaf.

Pazit Noyberger: And I have four kids.

Radwan Abu Arara: We got six children.

Mitch Ginsburg: Oh wow!

Pazit Noyberger: And I grew up at Bat Yam in Bnei Akiva (it’s a tnuat noar).

Adina Karpuj: A youth group.

Pazit Noyberger: Yes. Very Zionist. Orthodox. Love the people of Israel, the nation, the country, and I think most of my values were planted there.

Radwan Abu Arara: And I grew up in Lod. Lod it’s a mixed city. There’s about 30 percent Arabs and the other is Jews. People live there in harmony.

Pazit Noyberger: My husband is from Qiryat Arba.

Mitch Ginsburg: Emm hmm. Can you tell us a bit about Qiryat Arba?

Pazit Noyberger: Yes, it’s a settlement near Hebron. It’s a very, very complex area, deep behind the checkpoints, between hostile Arab places.

Radwan Abu Arara: And I come from a really conservative background. I am Muslim. I believe in Islam. I’ve been in Mecca for Hajj. I would consider myself as… as believer.

Adina Karpuj: And can you tell me about your daughter, Bayan?

Radwan Abu Arara: Bayan, she’s the eldest one. The story start when she was in the first grade at the school. The teacher called us and said that she’s over-hyper…

Adina Karpuj: Over-hyper.

Radwan Abu Arara: Yeah, and may we consider to give her some treatment like ritalin or something like that. So we done a blood test, and they call us from the clinic and say that “you should come to do another test, urgent.” At the end of the day, they say, “she got a chronic medical problem with the kidney, kidney failure.”

Adina Karpuj: How old was Bayan at that moment?

Radwan Abu Arara: About eight.

Adina Karpuj: Hmmm.

Radwan Abu Arara: And I understood that we are going to transplant. So without telling anybody I start to do the test. But they say that I cannot donate for her. So Insaf, my wife, she decided to step up and to do the test. And fortunately, she was match with her, and she donate to her the kidney, and everything start to get really well.

Adina Karpuj: So was she like back to herself?

Radwan Abu Arara: Yeah. She… she got a new life. Until the coronavirus. After that, her kidney got worse and worse.

Pazit Noyberger: So one day, he showed up at my office. He was look very sad.

Radwan Abu Arara: Yes.

Pazit Noyberger: And I ask him, “what’s going on?” And then he said…

Radwan Abu Arara: “We understood that we are going through the transplantation again.”

Pazit Noyberger: And he doesn’t match. Her mother already donates her a kidney. And in their culture, it’s not often some people donate kidneys. It’s not a popular thing to do. And there are many Jews – I don’t know if many Jews, there are some people – who doesn’t want to donate a kidney to an Arab. And I told him, “I come, I will donate her my kidney.”

Radwan Abu Arara: Shock. I didn’t expect it.

Pazit Noyberger: Silence. That’s it.

Radwan Abu Arara: To donate a kidney, it’s something else. You giving part of your body.

Pazit Noyberger: So he’s a very strong guy, very tough guy, but the declaration that I made that I agree to come and donate my kidney was enough for him to start to cry.

Radwan Abu Arara: In Hebrew they saying, “hu noten me’atzmo.” Literally, she give part of herself.

Pazit Noyberger: And when the tests started, I need to make the appointment with all the clinics. One it is in Jerusalem, one it’s in Ashdod, one it’s in Tel Aviv, one it’s in Petach Tikva. So its really depends on my energy and my motivation to do it. And at this time, they are waiting at home for me. And Bayan condition getting worse.

Adina Karpuj: Hmmm…

Pazit Noyberger: So it’s… all this journey was against the clock.

Adina Karpuj: So the summer passes. You’re in the midst of doing all these preliminary tests. And then October 7th happens.

Pazit Noyberger: Emm hmm.

Adina Karpuj: What was that day like for you?

Radwan Abu Arara: Three of our family was murdered by the Hamas group. And they bring all the bodies some place near Ramle. And you meet with the Jewish, with Arabs who come looking for their relatives.

Pazit Noyberger: At the same day, in Simchat Torah, my husband got a phone call from the army, from his commander, that tell him that he had to go to… to the service, and he putting on his army uniform and drove away.

Radwan Abu Arara: He’s doing his job. He’s doing the job. Dealing with it. There is no other way to deal with it. I don’t know other way.

Pazit Noyberger: And because we are an Orthodox family, we are not driving at Saturday. So the trauma and the understanding that something big happened for my children was… was very clear. And it was some weeks that all frozen. We cannot do anything besides think about the war and Gaza and everything was just about it. But eventually you get used to everything. And for me, it was no question and we are going on track to the transplant. So, this point, it was the point that I need some company to take me to the medical exams.

Mitch Ginsburg: Because your husband Hagai was in Gaza?

Pazit Noyberger: Emm hmm. And when Radwan came to take me from home, I need to make an advance noticed to the soldiers at the entrance that some Arab friend needs to come to my home that they will let him in with no problems. And my neighbors that knew who I’m going to donate to, ask questions. “Are you sure? Maybe you need to think about it? There are soldiers now who need a kidney.” And my fears was about my husband, because I knew that if something – even minor – going to happen to him, I could not donate my kidney because I need to go and treat my husband. So it was very, very delicate time, very anxious that you have that all the stars will be fixed and no surprise will happened.

Radwan Abu Arara: Yeah.

Pazit Noyberger: And I… I remember I sat at some coffee house with a friend, and then I get a phone from the hospital, and they tell me, “hello, Pazit? Yes, this is Estee from Belinson. We have a schedule for your surgery. You can write 25th…” She talked to me about the date, and I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly, it’s hit you. OK, it’s gonna happen. And since this day, until the surgery, you feel the pressure of the situation. And Radwan and Insaf, they want to hug me, but they are afraid of me because all of their happiness, it’s depends on me. It’s a very big responsibility. And there are always the fear, their fear, that I’m going regret because of the situation.

Radwan Abu Arara: Bayan at this time started dialysis, which is really, really a hard treatment for kids. You are connecting to the machine three days a week.

Pazit Noyberger: And the night before the surgery, I got hospitalized. My husband just came from Gaza. And then Bayan came. You understand, this is our moment.

Adina Karpuj: Wow.

Pazit Noyberger: It was very excited for me and her parents.

Mitch Ginsburg: Yeah.

Pazit Noyberger: And then we went to the coffee house at the hospital to drink some coffee. And Bayan and also Insaf, her mother, both of them are wearing hijab. And my husband with his uniform and weapon. And people go through the coffee house and they are looking and they don’t understand what they’re seeing. Two Muslims women, one soldier with a weapon, sitting in a table drinking coffee. The war is outside. So what’s going on? It was very absurd scene.

Adina Karpuj: Hmmm…

Pazit Noyberger: It was really a feeling that you are doing… you are the normal one. The world is crazy. The world is crazy.

Radwan Abu Arara: From my point of view, could be a normal picture what you has described. But from point of view from a lot of people would say it’s weird, strange.

Adina Karpuj: But you didn’t feel it?

Radwan Abu Arara: No, no, never.

Mitch Ginsburg: Hmmmm… And then soon after that you went to the surgery?

Pazit Noyberger: Yeah. And I remember me crying all the way… and the look I will never forget it’s Radwan’s brother that walk with me until the surgery room and he… he… his looks and his hands… He’s hold his hand like – you know – he wants to say thank you, with no words, and his eyes said… ke’ilo like this… wow, I will not forget it forever. And then I get to the… to the operation room with my husband, and then I woke up with one kidney [laughs].

Mitch Ginsburg: And how is the medical staff? How did they react?

Pazit Noyberger: One of the Arab doctors came to me, it was after the surgery, and she asked me, “did you know who are you going to donate the kidney to?” I said, “yes.” “Did you know she’s an Arab girl?” I said, “yes!” “So why?” She couldn’t accept it. This one kind of reaction.

Mitch Ginsburg: Hmmm.

Pazit Noyberger: Another kind –  came one of the Jewish, some cleaning lady or something like that. And she closed the door and she asked, “can I tell you something?” “OK.” “I wouldn’t do it if I was you. All of them, they are Hamas. I’m telling you all of them, they are Hamas.” And I, couple of hours after a surgery, lying in bed, one kidney we cannot reverse.

Mitch Ginsburg: Woah, and the donation itself, did it work?

Radwan Abu Arara: Yeah. Hagai went back to Gaza and my cousin took Pazit home.

Mitch Ginsburg: And Bayan?

Radwan Abu Arara: She had to stay in the hospital about one month, and after that, everything is OK. She is now feeling really well.

Adina Karpuj: Wow! And what is she doing now?

Radwan Abu Arara: She’s studying at college.

Pazit Noyberger: And she wrote me a message that she would never dream to be a student, regular student, in the university.

Mitch Ginsburg: Hmmm.

Pazit Noyberger: Emm hmm, for many years, she was isolated because she was always needed to be kept in a very clean area. She was solitary and lonely with no future because she didn’t know what future holds, and she’s very shy girl because she doesn’t have many interaction with her own peers. But after the surgery, she became another person. Her parents told me that because she get my kidney and I’m pretty stubborn with a big mouth, suddenly Bayan became stubborn. And each holiday her mother used to send me, “thank you, I remember when last year we were hospitalized and now we are celebrating.” In each junction that last year Bayan was in this point and now she’s in another good point, they don’t forget to say thank you.

Radwan Abu Arara: Yeah. All the surrounding people, when they saw a Jewish woman donate a kidney for my daughter, they can see that there is something which can united us, not dividing.

Pazit Noyberger: Yeah.