Bonus: Man, I Feel Like A Woman, Revisited

Mishy Harman: OK, hi everyone. Welcome to another Israel Story Facebook Live event, this time with my dear, dear friend, one of the most inspiring women I have had the honor to meet through this show. A woman who is a rabbi, a podcaster, an author, a public speaker, but more than anything, really, a teacher – Yiscah Smith. Hi, Yiscah.

Yiscah Smith: Shalom shalom, Mishy! Hi! Chag sameach!

Mishy Harman: Chag sameach. You will all remember Yiscah’s amazing tale that we told in, ah, in one of our early Israel Story episodes. And what many of you probably don’t know, is the backstory of what happened the day of the release of that episode. And that was a moment that I think taught me more than any other moment working on the show about human spirit and generosity. And what happened was that we released the episode at, I think, eight in the morning, and the episode was forty minutes long. And literally, forty-two or forty-three minutes after we released it, we heard from Yiscah. And Yiscah, to to our, you know, horror and deep sadness was very upset. And Yiscah believed that we sort of misrepresented the story, and whereas in her mind, it was a story of triumph and and resilience. The focus at the end of the story on her children, made it sound like a tragedy. And she was very upset, and we were very upset that she was very upset, of course. You know, this was only our ninth episode. It seems like… a lifetime ago, but we had never encountered such a situation and we didn’t know what to do. And I asked Yiscah for a favor, which I had no idea whether she would accept or not. I said, “Yiscah, please can you just sit with this for twenty-four hours and let’s talk tomorrow morning and see how you’re feeling and how you’re doing.” And my bet and sort of deep hope was that in those twenty-four hours Yiscah was going to hear from a lot of listeners who would in fact, share how inspiring they felt this story was. And I had no idea how this was going to go and, you know, it’s not often that people reverse what they think in life, especially when it comes to things that really matter to them. And twenty-four hours later, Yiscah said that she had spent the entire day… Yes, Yiscah, continue…

Yiscah Smith: I remember telling you that by sitting and meditating and contemplating, as you asked me to do, I realized that in fact the privilege, the space of living an authentic life is not always filled with celebrations. A real authentic life has a vibrancy to it. It’s a tapestry of… ranging the emotional gamut of the human expression. And for the first time, I felt that I was called upon now through this Israel Story to talk more about that. That living an authentic life is is not linear. There’s lots of contradictions. But they’re all based in the commitment to wanting to be honest. And I thanked you for pushing me into my own Yam Suf, into my own Red Sea. Because I was able to see that which was concealed, and that is that I needed to start speaking more about the beauty and the complexity of living an authentic true life.

Mishy Harman: Yiscah, so that’s a perfect segue into my first question. So what are some of the downsides of living life authentically?

Yiscah Smith: Some of the downsides… Well, it’s… I call it fallout. When one no longer empowers either societal values or peer pressure, or community expectations in how one goes about making decisions about one’s life, the consequence could be rejection. And nobody wants to be rejected. We were created to be social beings. It even says in Beresheet that G-d said it’s not good for a person to be alone. So whether it’s an intimate partner, whether it’s a close friend, an expanded family, a community, we seek connection, we seek approval, we seek respect, we seek love. And because I’d built up a life responding very proficiently and effectively to how others expected me to live, I really was afraid to honor what I felt was being called upon from within from the divine within me. So there’s rejection and there’s disapproval. And there’s a sense of abandonment, a sense of betrayal.

Mishy Harman: Were there moments in which you thought that the price of living your authentic life was just too high that you should just sort of resign yourself to your to your situation?

Yiscah Smith: At first yes. I was afraid. I was afraid to jump in. I really was afraid to jump in. I didn’t imagine I couldn’t have imagined because it was yet the unknown, unknown future, what the fallout would be. And I no longer felt like I could live in that fear. And there was some serious fallout, but then there was some wonderful surprises. And that’s part of living and moving into the unknown future. We don’t control it. I call it the transition not just of a gender, it really was much more than that. It was a transition into living a clean, clear life of transparency, of vulnerability, of truth. As I moved further and further into that, I realized I’ll pay whatever price is being asked of me I’ll pay because because I need to, I need to be right with my Creator. That’s where it all began.

Mishy Harman: So, Yiscah, I have a question which also touches a little bit about living an authentic life. And that is that your story has been an inspiration to so many people and you’ve told it in many different contexts, to students to podcast listeners to film goers. And I know from my own life, that stories that I tell again and again lose a certain degree of freshness and authenticity. And it’s difficult for me to actually to feel them. It’s almost like I’m just sort of reciting a script. How do you maintain sort of the fresh and authentic feeling of telling your story?

Yiscah Smith: That’s such a good question. Because at about six months ago, I made a decision that I was that I’m no longer going to really tell my story. I was becoming tired, not tired of my life – G-d forbid – but tired of telling about what, more and more, was my history. As I moved further and further into my present, that takes more and more of a backseat. What I do do is when I teach spiritual texts, if I feel that mentioning a piece of my past can better inform the text, I will do that. As an example, to bring the text more to a relevancy to the audience. But now I’m living in the space that I’ve transitioned to being in. I feel now that don’t have this obstacle in front of me, I feel the whole world is out there for me to explore, to share, to teach, to lead, to guide, also to learn more to research more as a scholar of spiritual texts, and I’m loving it. And I’m really coming into my fullness in that sense.

Mishy Harman: So Yiscah, I know a lot of listeners want to know and, please, you know, share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Do you now have a relationship with any of your children?

Yiscah Smith: Yes! I’m excited. I didn’t even wait for you to finish the question, which is really the way one should be actively listening [laughs]. Yes. And I feel so, so grateful and so celebratory that I have with three, three of my children in one way or another, a much healthier, warmer connection with one in particular. We speak almost every day she lives here in Israel. You know, she has a big family, and I’m integrated into her family with my grandchildren. It is absolutely beyond beyond what I ever imagined. And also my siblings, my two sisters, we’ve completely reconciled in the past year. We are closer now than we’ve ever been. And it just brings my family and it gives my father who’s still alive, may he live and be well, it gives him such happiness and even said to me on my last visit, “I know your mother in heaven is so happy now to see the three of you so close and together again.” So and and they’re close with, you know, with my my children, and I’m getting close to some of my nieces and nephews. It’s just blossoming more and more. Yes, it was gradual, a lot of tears, a lot of prayers. A lot of letting goes. A lot of difficult questions. Yeah, yeah. But it happened. Some of the others are still not there yet. But all my children are very close with each other. So they all know, and who knows? I have a lot of hope.

Mishy Harman: Thank you, Yiscah. That’s, that’s so beautiful. And I’m sure now many of the listeners will have their own first hand experience of learning from you and loving you in the way that I do, Yiscah. You’ve really made a big, big difference in my life and I think about you often and love you very much.

Yiscah Smith: Oh, Mishy. Mishy, toda. Could I just say… can I just say one more thing in conclusion?

Mishy Harman: Of course.

Yiscah Smith: Thank you. I just want to leave the audience, you know, in education, we learn that people remember first what they heard last. So if you’re going to remember anything, I’d like you all to remember this: That whatever price I had to pay, that led up to my transition, moving through my transition to where I am now, it was all worth it. To live a life of truth, to be right with our Creator, there’s no price too high to pay for that. And I never imagined after having crossed through my own sea, and the parting of those waters, and being able to really grasp the beauty. The… the jewels that I have been able to discover in my own soul by living a life of authenticity is more than I could have ever ever imagined. So I bless you all, all the listeners, whatever you need to do, to be more of who you’re supposed to be, do it. Because you can’t imagine how much better—how much better—your life will be and can continue to be.

 

Mishy Harman: Yiscah teaches and podcasts and lectures and does a zillion other things to share her message of ‘authentic living.’ If you want to dive deeper into her story, I highly recommend you read her 2014 memoir Forty Years in the Wilderness: My Journey to Authentic Living and check out a wonderful documentary made about her called I Was Not Born a Mistake.